Also known as “Why I don’t want to send this email”.
I was told to email someone today for a job opportunity. It’s a great job, great pay, in my field of expertise, and an excellent challenge.
I want it. Or do I?
You see, it’s been 15 hours since I’ve been told to send the email. I’ve watched 20 YouTube videos (mostly of Gary Vaynerchuk), written a few blog posts (to be published before 2025), and I’ve read several articles and blog posts around the Internet. All these things require electronic devices.
What I’m really saying to you is that I’ve been holding on to my phone, tablet, and laptop all day. And I still have not sent the email.
I honestly think I’m afraid to get the job. I know, it sounds stupid and ridiculous. Hell, at this point, I don’t even know if I will get the job. All I’m emailing for is information.
But I haven’t. For 15 hours now.
Because I’m afraid of what it will demand of me. I’ll have to move countries again and I have moved so much already in my life. I’ll have to pack, find a new apartment, make new friends, find a new supermarket, get lost in a new city.
But mostly, because I’ll have to suck again.
I’ll be doing work that I have to learn for the first few weeks or months. And even though I know the basics of the job, I absolutely will not know it at the level that I will need to in order to do excellent work. And I really enjoy doing excellent work.
So what I feel is stress. Stress that this hypothetical job prospect will lead to me having to be the odd one out all over again until I find my place. Stress that I will suck at the new job. Stress that maybe I’m not good enough to even get it in the first place.
My stress comes from the potential of winning, of successfully getting the job. And that stress, that fear of success, is as real as the fear of failing.